He's Gone

Good Night Dad, Sleep Tight

Here is my first entry. It is now two months since Dad left us.

4:20 AM, Monday, July 25^th ,2016 An emergency alarm set for calls from my parents awakened me. I reached the phone, but voice mail had picked up. I begin calling them back and after three busy tones, It finally connected

Mom answered.

“ Your father had another fainting spell, and he ended up rolling out of bed. I need you to come home.”

“Alright I will gather my stuff and head straight home,” I replied

“Take your time. You know it takes awhile for your father come out of these spells” With Dad's aortic stenosis fainting had become more familiar.

After the call had ended, I gathered together my items, loaded up and drove home to my parent's farm.

I arrived home around 5:40 AM. I saw someone in the driveway standing outside. He was not Stuart, the renter of my parents land. Who he was I did not know. I parked in front of  the garage, headed to the front door of the house and into my parent's bedroom.

I walked to the west side of the room by the side between the wall and Dad's side of the bed. I saw him face down next to the bed and no movement.

“He's gone.” My mother said.

For a brief moment, I thought she was talking about the person who was now standing outside. Then I realized what she was saying. My Dad had died.

I turned to her and said “Oh you mean he's dead”

I looked back at my Dad's body, Shook my head and said “Hm.”

I shrugged my shoulders and bent down grabbing my Dad's body and worked toward moving him back to bed. If it were on film, it would be very comical, as I wrestled with my dad's body while moving him back to bed. Once he was in bed, I placed a blanket over him as if he was just in bed sleeping. For three brief moments, I laid next to my father.

The first time I laid next to him and sang the Beatles song “Good Night” as I had planned to do.

Now it's time to say good night
Good night, sleep tight
Now the sun turns out his light
Good night, sleep tight
Dream sweet dreams for me
Dream sweet dreams for you

For a couple of more times, I laid next to him. One time I just laid next to him and the other time I rubbed his neck as if it had been just another fainting spell.

I was surprised dad lived to be 95. But for many years prior, his passing was continually on my mind. Each time I would say goodbye, I thought it would be the last goodbye. When I would tell him good night, it was possible I may not see him alive in the morning.

The final goodbye was the Tuesday before his death. I had been home to take them to a funeral. While Dad wanted to attend, he did not feel up to going. As I head out, Dad stood up, I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. I said,“Goodbye Dad, I love you.”

It was a good hug and an excellent last goodbye.