Monday, January 30, 2017

Grief by the book

My experience with grief has been a strange journey. Weird and wonderful has been the best description. I have enjoyed scanning the pictures from my mom's. Sitting in my Dad's place on the couch while looking through his Bible. And recording mom as I gather stories from her life.
I was aware of the stages of grief but was I experiencing them.? I had been told about anticipatory grief during the visitation the night before the funeral. Could this be what I am encountering?  Was I going through denial? Nothing seemed to be what I expected.

So recently  I have decided to buy a book on grief. It was not my intention to buy any books, figuring most books were full of crap. One day, while examining the books at Barnes and Noble, a book entitled, Grief is Journey by Dr. Kenneth J Doka, stood out. Not just that the title of the book resembles the title of my blog, but some of the points fit with my experience.The price for the Amazon Kindle version was 13.99, and so I have purchased it for the Amazon Kindle.

An initial point concerned the five stages of grief.  It's more about our experience with illness and dying, not about grieving.  I was finding it difficult to see these, in my life. It's good to know they are not about those grieving the loss. I was bewildered by what I was experiencing.

When writing about offering condolences, Dr. Doka says not to provide platitudes as He is in a better place.  A better place doesn't need him. He was needed here. A better place does not need his generosity. A better place will not need his advice. A better place does not need his knowledge. Those things are essential on Earth.

I am through with part 1. Part 2 deals with various type of loss. I may just skip to the part on a death of a parent, then go back to other chapters.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

A New Year

It is now six months since Dad has passed away, While it has only been six months, we are in a new year. But saying ""My Dad passed away last year." makes it seem much further away This new year means the first year full year without him. Do not have some part of the year with him, seems weird.